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What to do if you sent money to a romance scammer

Paid someone you met online and now think it’s a scam? The steps to take today: call your bank or exchange, report it in the US, UK, Australia, NZ or Canada, and avoid “recovery” scams.

If you’ve sent money to someone you met online and you now think they aren’t who they said, you’re not alone, and it isn’t your fault. Romance scammers are organised and patient, and they target kind, trusting people. What matters now is acting quickly. The FTC’s advice is simple: if you paid a romance scammer, contact the company or bank you used right away, tell them you paid a scammer and ask for a refund (FTC).

1. Stop sending money

Scammers often come back with one more request: a “release fee”, a “tax” to unlock a balance, or a story about why the last payment didn’t go through. Don’t pay anything else, however urgent it sounds.

2. Contact the company you paid through, today

The sooner you call, the better the chance a payment can be stopped. Use the number on the back of your card or in your banking app, not a number the scammer gave you. The FTC lists what to do for each payment type (FTC: what to do if you were scammed):

  • Bank transfer or debit card: call your bank or credit union and ask them to reverse the payment.
  • Credit card: call the issuer and ask for a refund or chargeback.
  • Payment app (PayPal, Venmo, Cash App and others): report it in the app and ask for a reversal.
  • Wire transfer (Western Union, MoneyGram): call the company, say a scammer tricked you, and ask for a refund.
  • Gift cards: contact the card issuer, and keep the cards and receipts.
  • Cryptocurrency: contact the exchange or crypto ATM operator straight away and report a fraudulent transaction. Crypto is much harder to recover than card payments.

In Australia and New Zealand, Scamwatch also recommends calling your bank immediately, changing your passwords, and contacting IDCARE, a free identity and cyber support service, on 1800 595 160 (Scamwatch).

3. Lock down your accounts

If you shared passwords, codes, ID documents or gave someone remote access to your device, change those passwords (and anywhere you reused them), turn on two-factor authentication and run a security scan (FTC).

4. Save the evidence

Before you block them, screenshot the profile and chats and note usernames, phone numbers, email addresses, payment receipts, transaction IDs and crypto wallet addresses. Your bank and the police may ask for them.

5. Report it

Also report the profile to the dating app or social network where you met, so they can remove it.

6. Watch out for “recovery” scams

People who have lost money are often targeted again. Someone contacts you claiming to be a lawyer, an investigator, a government agency or a “crypto recovery” service, and says they can get your money back if you pay a fee first. The FTC calls these “the worst of the worst” and says anyone who asks for an upfront fee to recover your money is a scammer (FTC). The FBI warns about fake law firms targeting crypto scam victims, and says victims of these follow-up scams reported losses of over US$9.9 million between February 2023 and February 2024 (FBI IC3). Law enforcement does not charge victims to investigate, and IC3 says it does not work with law firms or crypto services to recover funds (IC3).

7. Look after yourself

Losing money and a relationship you believed in at the same time is hard, and many people feel ashamed. Talk to someone you trust. If you’re struggling, help is free: Lifeline on 13 11 14 in Australia, or Lifeline on 0800 543 354 or call or text 1737 in New Zealand (Netsafe support list). Elsewhere, contact your local crisis or support line.

If you’re still in contact

If part of you still hopes they’re real, check before you send anything else. Our guides on romance scam warning signs, reverse image searching a profile and crypto romance scams can help. You can also get an AI-powered Romance Scam Check (US$29) that reverse-searches their photos, checks their name and number against public scam reports and gives you a written risk rating. Our Personal plan (US$9/month) includes one romance check a month plus breach alerts for your personal email addresses. Neither can recover lost money.

Questions

Can I get my money back from a romance scammer?

Sometimes, but often not. Your best chance is contacting your bank, card issuer, payment app or crypto exchange as fast as possible and asking them to stop or reverse the payment. Nobody can promise to recover it.

Someone says they can recover my money for a fee. Is it real?

Treat it as a scam. The FTC says anyone who asks for an upfront fee to get your money back is a scammer, and the FBI’s IC3 says law enforcement does not charge victims to investigate.

Should I tell the scammer I know?

You don’t need to. Stop replying, block them and report the profile. Save the chats first in case your bank or the police need them.

Not sure about someone?

Take the free 10-question red-flag check, or get an AI-powered Romance Scam Check for US$29.

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General information only, not legal or financial advice. ImposterWatch is operated by Cloud Investments FZE (UAE) and is not a background check or private investigator service.